Read and Laugh! JOKE TIME......

The Battle of the Brainless is back!"

Host : What "N" is the national tree of the Philippines?
Contestant : Niyog?
Host : Mas matigas pa diyan.
Contestant : (in a strong-sounding voice) NIYOG!!! ------------------------------------------------------------------------
Host : Saan "B" binaril si Jose Rizal?
Contestant : Sa back?
Host : O sige, puwede rin na ang simula ay letter "L" Luneta). Contestant : Likod?
Host : Hindi pa rin. Para mas madali, "R.P." ang initials ng modern name nito.
Contestant : Rear Part? (Susme! Likod pa rin yun!) ------------------------------------------------------------------------
Host : Saan "B" tayo madalas pumunta pag summer upang maligo? Contestant : Banyo?
Host : Hindi, pag pumunta ka doon, maaarawan ka.
Contestant : Bubong?
Host : Hindi, marami kang makikita duong mga babaeng naka-bikini. Contestant : Beerhouse!
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Host : Anong "L" ang tawag sa tao na sumasagip sa iyo pag ikaw ay nalulunod?
Contestant : Lifebuoy?
Host : Hindi, pero kahawig nga ng pangalan ng sabon ang pangalan ng ito.
Contestant : Safeguard?
Host : Hindi, pagsamahin mo yung dalawang sagot mo. Contestant : Safe Buoy?
Host : Hindi siya "boy" at matipuno nga ang kaniyang katawan. Contestant : Ah, Mr. Clean!
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Host : Anong "S" ang ginagamit na flotation device sa dagat upang hindi ka malunod?
Contestant : Sirena?
Host : Hindi! Hindi ito babae.
Contestant : Siyokoy?
Host : Hindi ito lalake.
Contestant : Siyoke?
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Host : What "S" is the national flower of the Philippines?
Contestant : Sunflower?
Host : Hindi. Binebenta ito sa kalye.
Contestant : Stork?
Host : Hindi. Bulaklak sabi eh.
Contestant : Sitsarong bulaklak?
Host : Hindi pa rin. It ends with a letter ?A".
Contestant : Sitsarong bulaklak na may suka?
Host : Oh, para madali, uulitin ko ang clues at dadagdagan ko pa! Anong pangalan ng bulaklak na nagsisimula sa "S", nagtatapos sa letrang "A", at kapangalan ng isang sikat na singer?
Contestant : Si...Sharon Cuneta! ------------------------------------------------------------------------
Host : Sino ang kauna-unahang Chess Grandmaster of Asia?
Contestant : Carole KING?
Host : Hindi, mas mababa sa king.
Contestant : Al QUINN?
Host : Hindi, tagalog ang apelyido niya.
Contestant : Armida Siguion-REYNA?
Host : Hindi pa rin. Mas mababa sa reyna.
Contestant : BISHOP Bacani?
Host : Mas mababa sa bishop.
Contestant : Johnny MidKNIGHT?
Host : Mas mababa sa Knight.
Contestant : Jerry PONS?
Host : h, ayan na, nabanggit mo na lahat ng piyesa sa Chess. Yung kahuli-hulihang piyesa na lang.
Contestant : Sylvia laTORRE! ------------------------------------------------------------------------
N.A.
Contestant : Nora Aunor?
Host : Hindi. Ang pangalan niya ay nage-end sa "Y".
Contestant : Guy Aunor?
Host : Hindi. Dati siyang Senador.
Contestant : Si Former Senator Guy Aunor?
Host : Hindi. Patay na siya.

Contestant : ANO??!! PATAY NA SI NORA AUNOR???!!! ------------------------------------------------------------------------

Host : What "K" is the national animal of the Philippines?
Contestant : Kuto?
Host : Hinde. Clue, it tills the land.
Contestant : Kutong Lupa! (toink toink!)

Tips for job finders! How to deal an interview?

What do you know about the call center Industry?

Applicant: The call ctr. industry is booming out, side by side, somewhere
else. (Huuuwhaaat?)
-----------------------------------------
Applicant: The call center is a booming industry for the past few days and
I want to part of that boom! (sumabog ka sana!)
-----------------------------------------
Applicant: It's easy to be a call center, just looks arounds you, that why
i want to become a call center! (building ito!)
-----------------------------------------
Applicant: Oh im sorry, i sit corrected. (oo nga naman, nakaupo sha eh!)
-----------------------------------------
Applicant: Im afraid to dead. I feel that im not ready to die.
-----------------------------------------
Applicant: I usually play PS2 at night when there is no loud.

-----------------------------------------
Recruiter: You look familiar. I think i already spoke to you before. Do
you remember when you were last here?

Applicant: I think months from now. (psychic ito!)
-----------------------------------------
Recruiter: Why do you want to work in a call center?

Applicant: From Manila Bulletin. (ang gulo... i drug test nyo na to')

Recruiter: Ah okay, but my question is, why do you want to work here?

Applicant: Well, I graduated from CEU with a course of blahblah.....
(out...out...out....)
Applicant: I'm a work alcoholic.
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Applicant: I'm the eldest and the only child in our family.
(arrrgggghhh...ADIK KA!)
-----------------------------------------
Applicant: I'm a hardworking...(yes..please continue...)
-----------------------------------------

Recruiter : Can you give me 3 values that you can contribute to the
company? Applicant : As a nurse, we were taught at hospital 3 things ...
TENDER.. LOVING ... CARE.. you get what i mean? (OH YES I DO!)
-----------------------------------------
Recruiter : Can you please count from 1 to 20?
Applicant : starting from 1 ma'am?
Recruiter : UH.. yes
Applicant : (clears throat) wun, chew, tree, four, fibe, zix, zeven,
eight, nine, ten, elevun, twulve, thirTEN, forTEN, fifTEN, sixTEN,
sevenTEN, eighTEN, nineTEN, tweyny Recruiter : Umm... ok, thank you
very much for interviewing with us .... (NAHILO ANG INTERVIEWER)
-----------------------------------------
Recruiter : Can you please count slowly from 1 to 20?
Applicant : In what language? (ABA!)
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Recruiter : Why do you want to work as an agent?
Applicant : Agent ho?
Recruiter : Yes. Why do you want to work as a call center agent?
Applicant : Call center ho?
Recruiter : YES. This is a call center. My question is why are you
interested? Applicant : I am willing po.
(GRRRRRR!!!!)
-----------------------------------------
Recruiter : Why do you want to work in a call center?
Applicant : Because of the big bucks of money.. i want to hab a house

Sing and Laugh! JOKE TIME......

PAG MURA ANG SONGHITS NA NABILI MO:

I decided long ago, never to walk in edu manzano...
(I decided long ago, never to walk in anyone's shadow)

Cry by Mandy Moore : A walk to remember... it
was late afternoon!
(I'll always remember, it was late afternoon)

All My Life by K-ci and Jojo: supposed to be
you're like my mother,supposed to be you're like
my sister
(close to me you're like my mother...
close to me you're like my sister)

Where's the Love: People killing, people flying,
children hurt an living, crying...
(People killing, people dying; children hurt and you hear them
crying)


Leaving on a jet plane - so kiss me and SMAFFLE
me... (so kiss me and smile for me...)


Usher & Alicia's My Boo: It started when we were
younger you were NINE...
(It started when we were younger you were mine)
Eto pa: ...and you were my BEYBLADE... it
started when were younger you were FINE...
hehehe....

(eto isa sa mga naging favorites, hehehe...)

If I Ain't Got You by Alicia Keys: "some people
want TAMBOURINES.." (diamond rings)


Britney's Baby One More Time: My ONLY NEST
is killing me... and I........ (My loneliness....)


Thumbthumping (Chumbawumba): I get knocked
down by an elephant, my mommas's gonna bring
me down... (I get knocked down, but I get up again...)


Crush by Jennifer Paige: "i-splash, a little crush.."
("it's just.. a little crush..")


Red Hot's Californication: "Viva Californication...."
(Dream of Californication...) - pramis! guilty ako
dito
>*_*< No scrubs, TLC: "A scrub is a guy who thinks he's
fine but is also known as a BUS STOP" (buster)


Waterfalls by TLC: Don't go JASON waterfalls...
(Chasin')


John Mayer : You're ALICE IN WONDERLAND...
You're ALICE IN WONDERLAND I'll use my hands
(Body is a wonderland)


With A Smile by Eraserheads: "lift ur HAND.. baby
dont be scared.. of the things that could go wrong
along the way.. (HEAD!!!)


Wag Na Wag Mong Sasabihin by Kitchie Nadal:
maaaaaaaaaag... , magdamag mong
sasabihin........


On Bended Knees by Boyz II Men: Oh God give
me the reason, I'M DOWN... ABANDON ME...
(I'm down on bended knee)


Soul of Christ... sat beside me... (sanctify me! )

This is the best:

Nothing's gonna change my love for you... you
know NAMAN MY LOVE how much I love you...